Renée (rogueslayer452) wrote,

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House M.D.: The Doctor Is In (Sort Of)

I've decided to place together several of my favorite House quotes from the episodes I've seen, because I can do that. Plus, House quotages are hilariously amusing and fun! Hugh Laurie snarkage is a must for everyone, regardless if you watch the show or not. Also, it's late and I'm resisting myself to fall asleep on the gorram keyboard.

House: Perseverance does not equal worthiness. Next time you want to get my attention, wear something fun. Low-riding jeans are hot.
Episode: "Paternity"; Scene: House is talking to Cameron, who according to some is just like Sara Sidle from C.S.I.

House: This is our fault. Doctors over-prescribing antibiotics. Got a cold? Take some penicillin. Sniffles? No problem, have some azithromycin. Is that not working anymore? Oh, got your levoquin. Antibacterial soaps in every bathroom. We’ll be adding vancomycin to the water supply soon. We bred these superbugs; they’re our babies. And then they’re all grown up and they’ve got body piercings and a lot of anger.
Episode: "Maternity"; Scene: Ah, House at (one of) his finest moments in his excellent monologues that befuddle yet amaze viewers all at the same time; apparently a patient has an illness that neither House or his team can identify. Is it a bug? An unknown, undiscovered virus? Will they find out in time?

House: I also recognize that I am human and capable of error.
Dr. Wilson: So you might have screwed this up?
House: No.
Dr. Wilson: So it’s merely a theoretical capacity of error?
House: Good point. Maybe there isn’t one. Maybe that’s my error.
Episode: "Damned If You Do"; Scene: House's denial about making errors and admitting to have been wrong is something of a mystery, however even though House may technically be wrong doesn't mean that he isn't right; Wilson tries to understand his logic while House is somewhat admitting to both: he is wrong and right, at the same time.

Dr. Chase: I hate nuns.
House: Who doesn't?
Episode: "Damned If You Do"; Scene: The beginning of the mystery of how Chase started disliking nuns and the entire religious factor. House, of course, retorts in his usual way.

House: I had to open her blouse to do CPR; I learned two things. Nuns can have nice breasts, and she has a tattoo on her shoulder. Of a skunk. Now, maybe it’s the sacred skunk of Joseph...
Episode: "Damned If You Do"; Scene: House visits the convent for more details about the sickly nun in the hospital, and his discussion with one of the other nuns happens to be about Sick Nun's past...which is something of being a Wild Thing before fully becoming a nun.

House: And the old nun thinks the sick nun is a big fat nun liar.
Episode: "Damned If You Do"; Scene: Pretty self-explanatory, really.

Dr. Wilson: Do you want to come over for Christmas dinner?
House: You're Jewish.
Dr. Wilson: Yeah, Hanukah dinner. What do you care, it’s free food.
Episode: "Damned If You Do"; Scene: Wilson and House, nearing the end of the episode, having another one of their Best Friend Forever (BFF) moments.

House: I take risks – sometimes patients die. But not taking risks causes more patients to die. So I guess my biggest problem is I’ve been cursed with the ability to do the math.
Episode: "Detox"; Scene: Definitely the best House lines ever (amongst others); House is telling Cuddy that his decision to experiment with different medical drugs to either test a kid's illness is part of his job signature.

Dr. Cuddy: When I hired you, I knew you were insane. I will continue to try and stop you from doing insane things, but once they're done, trying to convince an insane person not to do insane things is, in itself, insane. So when I hired you, I also set aside fifty thousand a year for legal expenses. So far, you've come in under budget.
Episode: "DNR"; Scene: Describing House's personality and his actions, which is somewhat of a compliment considering how House usually is. Just an added Cuddy snark, because she's fucking awesome.

Dr. Wilson: Some doctors have the messiah complex – they need to save the world. You have a Rubik’s complex – you need to solve the puzzle.
Episode: "DNR"; Scene: Inside a courthouse during House's hearing for "assalting" a man in saving his life, Wilson and House and whispering like schoolboys.

Dr. Wilson: So your philosophy is, if they don’t want treatment they get it shoved down their throat, but if it might cure their paralysis, whoa you better slow down.
House: Yeah. My old philosophy used to be ‘Live and Let Live’, but I’m taking this needlepoint class and they gave us these really big pillows.
Dr. Wilson: What’s your philosophy on employee relations?
House: That’s a very tiny pillow.
Episode: "DNR"; Scene: This entire scene is taken place inside an abandoned examination room, where Wilson and House are hanging out while House is watching his favorite daytime programming -- "General Hospital".

House: The IVIG made him worse, which means multifocal motoneuropathy was a bad diagnosis. Okay, what’s really wrong with him?
Dr. Foreman: What's wrong with you?
House: Everyone knows what’s wrong with me. What’s wrong with him is much more interesting.
Dr. Foreman: You tubed him and he didn’t wanna be tubed! He has a legal paper saying just that.
House: To intubate or not to intubate, that is the big ethical question. Actually, I was hoping we could avoid it, maybe just practice some medicine.
Episode: "DNR"; Scene: This is the main episode that shows the disagreements between Foreman and House -- House wants to save a man's life, Foreman wants to follow by the rules that he was taught in medical school.

Dr. Foreman: You assaulted that man!
House: Fine, I'll never do it again.
Dr. Foreman: Yes you will.
House: All the more reason why this debate is pointless.
Episode: "DNR"; Scene: Continuation from scene above, just exluded all the babbling of Foreman and House's explanations and forwarded to this beauty.

House: Do you mean genuine humility? You know, with all the self-doubt and the self-questioning, or Hamilton’s polite, patronizing “Aw, shucks” humility?
Episode: "DNR"; Scene: House confronts Foreman about Hamilton's offer, also for catching Foreman talking about House behind his back, in the literal sense since House was standing behind him while he said it.

Foreman: It’s that simple? I should just ignore the mockery and abuse?
House: Oh, how do I abuse you?
Foreman: How do you not? If I make a mistake --
House: I hold you accountable, so what?
Foreman: Dr. Hamilton forgives. He’s capable of moving on.
House: That is not what he does!
Foreman: I screwed up his case, he told me --
House: He never said you were forgiven. I was there, he said it wasn’t your fault.
Foreman: So?
House: So, it was! You took a chance, you did something great. You were wrong, but it was still great. You should feel great that it was great. You should feel like crap that it was wrong. That’s the difference between him and me. He thinks you do your job, and what will be, will be. I think that what I do and what you do matters. He sleeps better at night. He shouldn’t.
Episode: "DNR"; Scene: Best House motivational speech ever, as far as I can tell. House finally tells it straightfoward to Foreman, the man who's always skeptical of House's proceedures and thinking. House may be arrogant, but at least he knows what he's doing without sugarcoating the package.

Cameron: The crash didn't cause the bleed.
House: Right, the bleed caused the crash. Blood got on the road, it got all slippery.
Episode: "Detox"; Scene: House anxiously waits for his medications for the pain in his bum leg, Cameron tries to tell about an urgancy case and House, amusingly, retorts his usual mouth. Which leads to this beauty quote...

House: Anyone here got drugs?
Episode: "Detox"; Scene: House addresses the entire clinic full of patients.

Dr. Cuddy: You know, there are other ways to manage pain.
House: Like what, laughter? Meditation? Got a guy who can fix my third chakra?
Dr. Cuddy: You're addicted.
House: If the pills ran my life I’d agree with you, but it’s my leg busy calendaring what I can’t do.
Dr. Cuddy: You're in denial.
House: Right, I never had an infarction in my leg, no dead muscle, no nerve damage. Doesn’t even hurt. Actually, it kind of tickles. The chicks dig this -- [waves cane in the air] -- it's better than a puppy!
Episode: "Detox"; Scene: Cuddy and House discuss his medication, his addiction goes both ways -- he needs it for the pain in his leg, however it might be addicted to the pills alone.

Definitely, House is my newest obsession to add to the collection of newish fandoms I have recently encountered. Yes, House is being shown on the Bastard!Network that has a history of canceling good worthwhile series that I enjoy, however House looks like he's staying on their network for quite some time. The snark and arrogance of the main character (being House himself) must be winning the viewers over, or at least something apparently is to be getting a second season. According the research, FOX is technically a "male" channel -- The OC has male lead characters and, by all means, pretty people playing the roles. So, apparently something must be appealing to audiences that House is getting renewed (and hopefully not fallback on the deal, either!)

Veronica Mars, House, and Lost. My three newest fandoms that I have come to fall in love after their seasons ended -- woe for me, because everyone else knows their season finales. But yay because their repeating schedules will not destroying my viewing them!
Tags: house m.d.

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