Exactly why I am repeating something that everyone probably already knows about the show? Probably because I'm setting up another quotation section from the most recent repeated epsiode, "Sports Medicine", that aired earlier this evening -- and because last week there was no House because of a gorram baseball game cutting through the time, so I've been going through withdrawals for some good House persnickety snarkage.
Cameron: You want it to be his kidneys, because if it’s his kidneys, then maybe we can treat it, maybe we can fix it. And if it’s cancer, then he’ll never pitch again. If this were a regular guy who came in and broke his arm lifting a box, you would’ve packed him up and sent him home!
House: My God, you’re right, I lost my head. All life is equally sacred. And I promise you, the next knitting injury that comes in here, we’re on it like stink on cheese.
Scene: House is trying to explain, sarcastically, his method in wanting to cure this supposed drug-abusage. He's very good at being sarcastic, too.
House: [to receptionist] 5 p.m., Dr. House checks out.
Cuddy: It’s 4:45.
House: I was rounding up.
Scene: House always tries to leave clinic duty early, this being a prime example of just that. Both him and Cuddy have interesting conversations together.
Cameron: He tested negative for steroids.
Foreman: Elevated beta 2 proteins, though, could be cancerous. Amyloidosis, or lymphoma.
House: Or steroids. You guys got any money on you?
Cameron: He tested negative for steroids. I, um, I have a couple 20s on me.
House: 50 of them? Foreman?
Foreman: The FAT PAD biopsy and abdominal CT scan were negative for the cancers, but --
House: Well, that just leaves us with steroids!
Cameron: He tested negative for steroids.
House: Less money is made by biochemists working on a cure for cancer than by their colleagues struggling valiantly to find ways to hide steroid use. But there’s one thing they can’t hide...
Scene: This is just a fun scene that I thought was hilarious to watch, and decided to place in. House, desperate for money and positive on the steroids theory, Cameron wanting to give him the money and convicning him it wasn't steroids, and Foreman being the intellectual informer that he is. It's fun!
Lola: If Hank says he never used steroids, that’s the truth.
House: That’s too bad. Because our theory is that the kidney damage is caused by A, and everything else is caused by B. The beauty of this theory is that we can treat A and B. But if you add the kidney symptoms back into the mix, then we are looking at another letter altogether, one that is apparently not in the alphabet. Can’t fix the bones, no more baseball, no more breathing...no more brain function.
Lola: Get another explanation.
House: Okay. Yeah. Think I’ve got one in my other pants.
Scene: While visiting the patient for some background details of drug usage, the patient's wife (Lola) believes that her husband has never taken steroids. House, of course, doesn't believe her or his words. Retorting humorously.
House: Okay, so who is it? Come on, she’s sleeping with one of you. Oh God, please tell me it’s you.
Cameron: [looks shocked] She buys lunches! She doesn’t --
House: Don’t worry, you’re not gay...you’re adventurous!
Chase: You think she’s gonna prostitute herself? The three of us are that important to her?
House: I’m afraid not, no. The groupies sleep with the roadies in order to get to Mick.
Foreman: And...you're Mick?
House: That was the metaphor I was making, yes.
Scene: Another hilarious must-see scene of the entire episode; House sitting down eating (off the other woman's plate) lunch with the rest of the gang. Of course, this "other woman" happens to be sleeping with Foreman and, well, House is guessing through his fantasies, really, even though he knows already.
House: Young man?
Wilson: How did you know?
House: Well, if he’s an old man, osteopenia would just be a fact of life, you make him comfortable, send him home, which means you’re just boring me. So he’s young, which means it’s most likely caused by cancer, and you’re here because you haven’t found it. Have you looked really, really hard?
Scene: House knowing all before actually being notifying anything at all, basically. The thing with House is that he'll probably figure something out before you, either that or he'll speculate something close to the case before you can. Either way, House is smarter than anyone -- technically, there have been cases where he's slipped up. But doesn't admit to it. He eventually is right, though.
Unfortunately, I cannot give away all the other quotes because that'll give away the entire episode. Which was a hoot to watch, by the way. In fact, everything in House is worthwhile to watch just like Veronica Mars or LOST. Drama, angst, bitterness of an arrogant bastard who's likeable and lovable in every single way -- it's a show made for those that understand House's snark and intelligence, basically.
I fawn over this show, just like all my newest fixations.